ron athey:

I think if you're boiling inside, the strongest manifestation you can make is to physically abuse yourself - and if you know why you're doing it, you can transcend and work through it. If you deny why you're doing it, the problems can perpetuate themselves.

eg. a friend gave me a ritual whipping over grieving. I wouldn't call this masochism. I was filled with so much sorrow because 3 friends had just died. She beat me for half an hour until I cried, focusing on the loss, not the sensuality of it or the submission.

to share or not?

I was watching Ally Mcbeal, the episode where they had Heather Locklear. Case: She is accused of bigamy. Claims she loves both men, and both men loves her back. And the best is, they are totally ok with the other husband. Yup, she married both of them, legally. And having that 2 pieces of legal marriage certificates, is illegal. Because there are 2 of them.
2L = I .
Anyway, that is not the point. One specific argument struck a chord. If a woman can spread her love for her, say, three children, and to love each of them as much as she loves all of them, why can't she love 2 men at the same time? Makes total sense if you ask me. Ahh...unless mothers are willing to stand out and confess how biased they are in loving their kids, and go on to proof that love can never be distributed equally. Ok ok, so what's the question here anyway? Should Rachel (HL) be acquitted? Or, Is a woman capable of loving many people equally? Or, Can parents love their children equally? Or, Ally Mcbeal (the show) is crap, for bringing out such sensitive and abject topics?

Well, who ever said she has to love them equally anyway? Duh..

a new week

The weekend has passed. It's a brand new week. Not that I will meet brand new people, do brand new things. Basically, besides the fact that it is a brand new week, nothing else changes. Maybe i should really think about launching my dieting regime. Aim to weigh half of my left kidney maybe? And i don't even know what my new diet should consist of. More proteins less fat? More vitamins less carbo? Or should i really resort to eating one beancurd a day, like my determined-as-hell cousin, July. Damn, i can never do what July did. I happen to be one who totally empathises with Stomach. Especially when he becomes lonely and starts growling. Or weak, then moan. Stomach has been my best friend, been accompanying me during my down and out times, sad and lonely times. So i can never bear to sacrifice Stomach's happiness. Stomach needs to feel loved. And who else can be in a better position to do that than his proud owner, me? Therefore I say, I will never abandon you, friend! The day I succumb to the temptations of Vanity, the day I prostrate in the face of Vanity, I will still protect you. Maybe I will just train you up so that you can protect yourself in the face of adversities. So be sure, you will only get fitter, not weaker. You will always be my best friend!

and he said, "let there be love..."

We had been discussing the workings of handwriting. You know what they say about the tails of your y's and g's... Mine had loops, which went on to show that I have high family values. Good attribute. Spookily, I had been ranting on family values to my brother just few days ago, while cutting the ever-growing hair on his huge plateau of a head. Father had been going on and on. How he clears Brother's dirty uniforms every weekend, dumps them into the washing machine, and even hangs them out for him.

Father: And after all that I've done for him?He gets pissed when ask him to eat. He always does that! Oh! Now he has money, homecooked food isn't tasty?!"

Here it comes. The dilemma. To help him, or help him?? I mean, i empathise with Brother completely. Well, what would you do if you were asked to eat, again and again, repeatedly for 27 times within an hour, after you've said "i'm not eating" for 26 times? But then again, I totally sympathise with Father. He is Father with no friends. No friends to hang out at coffeeshops with. Or to talk about Life with. His life revolves around his family, i.e. us. Not that we mean to hurt him. It's just that he hardly tries to comprehend things from our point of perspective. You see, Father is more than two bigots put together. He used to insist that a proper basketball game does not have 3-pointers, and that we were all pigheads for trying to convince him. (Now you understand why my n's and m's have sharp turns. I got it from him.) I won't even try to relate how he finally became a 3-pointer convert. Would take hours. Now you see. His middle name is Bigotry.

We had been mean to Father. Hurtful. Obstinately opiniated. Selfish. But hey, we were allowed to do that in our teenage years. It is a community-accepted allowance. We were going through adolescence for goodness' sake! The phase of life that deals us with blows, not to mention the really embarrassing-upon-recollection ones... What i'm trying to say is, now is the time to treat him better. Make him feel loved by his three adorables. His insistence on unreasonable behaviour, we accept it as his right as Father. As the advice always says, we really should not wait till we've lost something to want to treasure something. Hesitation, no good.
I will not promise, as I've learnt from Life's many lessons... I say, I will try.
Afterall, I have loopy g's and y's, remember?

It's still today. After work. Or is it after sch? This internship is crap. We sit around drawing the same old characters. Production time is up, yet folders aren't in. Polu isn't exactly doing his job, flaring up unnecessarily, flexing his ego unnecessarily too. Today is the last day for Car & Sze, & the kids will be leaving this week too. Everyone will be gone. Only Rac, Ann & me. What will lunchtime be like now?! Ann has expressed interest in leaving this firehole as well. Then lunchtime would be Rac ,Polu & me?? How interesting...
Life has been gettin more & more cranky nowadays, what with the 'expected' turn in life and weird internship. We will hang on, and see what the world has in store for us. Afterall, we'll get either strawberry shake or lemonade. Both are cold, fruity, and usually ice-blended.
Beverages are good. Free ice-blended ones are better. Maybe life pays you back in other ways afterall. Unless it throws us the bitter chinese herbal medicine... hmm...

Interestingly, I chanced upon blogger. Not that i'm an avid supporter of diaries or journals. Well, it may not even last for a scatterbrain. We'll see. Expect more, or...
cheerios...