confusion

Wonder if I had mentioned, but I am done with the animation internship. It's all over. No, there wasn't any job opportunities like I had expected in the beginning. So I'm all back to square one, jobless. Currently, I'm facing the dilemma of whether to find a proper job like what Ma is expecting, or go on doing the freelance odd jobs here and there. Ma is worried about my CPF account, which I know is only sufficient to buy me less-than-a-year's worth of instant noodles. Should it be my way or Ma's way?

Cousin July has left. He has been invited to that convention which is so so important to his career. It's equivalent to me getting asked to exhibit my works in the Lourve! Come to think of it, I really do need to get my ass out from the shadow and into the circle of light that Lady Luck is shining on him. I'm not implying that Cousin July hasn't been working hard and he got all that he has today due to Lady Luck. I know he has his fair share of diligence and hardwork. Of all people, his is the life that was full of ups and downs. What I'm saying is that he has that edge in life over me. I need that gravely. Though I don't know what that edge is, I need it. I crave for it. Or my life will stay as it is, for the rest of its miserable existence, forever and ever...

If I could have life my way, I would show Ma that I don't need my CPF account to buy my home. I would pay in cash.