xmas

It's Christmas, but I'm not the least tainted with the festive mood. In fact, I had such a bad day no amount of Christmas songs can make it jolly. On this day, people celebrate the joy of this season with smiles and hugs, but I cried. I do not know what has gotten over me. What evil force has taken over my life to make it so miserable? I'm baffled why this evil force persists to push my worthless life further down the hole of hell. What does it want from me?

I will be going to the doctor's soon, and if Evil Force triumphs, my life will have to come to a drastic sad end. Of course I'm wishing that Evil Force decides halfway that my life is not worth all these efforts. The efforts that it makes to jeopardize my future, it finds redundant. Maybe it'll then go away.

However, if it means my freedom would be at the expense of another life, I'm not sure I'll be happy to escape. Well, I've never figured out the real purpose of my existence in the universe. I've made my parents upset, never been a good friend, never done anything to benefit anyone or the planet. Maybe that's the exact reason why Evil Force picked me. Put this way, maybe the force isn't that evil afterall. It might actually be an angelic force trying to solve the problem of over-population of our beautiful planet.

It's just that I can't bear to leave anything behind. Our Earth is just too pretty to let go. My parents, my family, the friends that I've made throughout this lifetime. The people I love. I hate to have to lose them.

Perhaps this will be my Christmas wish. Spare my pathetic little life, for now.

I need the fairies of the shoemaker to help sew up the holes in my pockets. My money is disappearing at an alarming rate! Someone give me their email addresses now!

It's been a long time hasn't it? For the long long time I wasn't available here, nothing much changed. I'm still as unemployed as I was before I stopped blogging. Still dreaming of cooking up a storm in this boring little life of mine. As usual, the dreams usually end up as nightmares. I do not know why but it seems like everyone in the whole wide world is against my search for money. Parents would rather I find a proper office job and slog my life for the well-being of a boss I might never even get to meet for the whole of my life. "Work long and hard and climb up the corporate ladder!" Imagine what they'll say if I tell them, "But...b.b..bb..but...I want to own the ladder!!" Will they decide that I'm not worth all the efforts and allowances afterall? Will they decide that I'm over-delusional and send me to a mental hospital? I really wouldn't want to think about it...